Xsimplicit33x's Blog

Love Like by Saul Williams

xsimplicit33x — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 21:23:35 +0000

I want a love like me thinking of you thinking of me thinking of you type love or me telling my friends more than I’ve ever admitted to myself about how I feel about you type love or hating how jealous you are but loving how much you want me all to yourself type love
or seeing how your first name just sounds so good next to my last name.
and shit- I wanted to see how far I could get without calling you and I barely made it out of my garage.

See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls asleep then wonder if she’s dreaming about us being in love type love or who loves the other more or what she’s doing at this exact moment or slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts.
Closing my eyes and imagining how a love so good could just hurt so much when she’s not there and shit I love not knowing where this love is headed type love.

And check this-

I wanna place those little post-it notes all around the house so she never forgets how much I love her type love
then not have enough ink in my pen to write all the love type love and hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel
and I wanna deal with my friends making fun of me the way I made fun of them when they went through the same kind of love type love.
The only difference is this is one of those real type loves

and just like in high school I wanna spend hours on the phone not saying shit and then fall asleep and then wake up with her right next to me and smell her all up in my covers type love and I wanna try counting the ways I love her then lose count in the middle just so I could start all over again

and I wanna celebrate one of those one-month anniversaries even though they ain’t really anniversaries but doing it just ’cause it makes her happy type love

and check this-

I wanna fall in love with the melody the phone plays when our numbers dial in type love and talk to you until I lose my breath, she leaves me breathless, but with the expanding of my lungs I inhale all of her back into me.

I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan to something that allows me to talk to her longer ’cause in all honesty, I want to avoid one of them high cell phone bill type loves
and I don’t want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are I mean the lines on my palms don’t give me enough time to love you as long as I’d like to type love
and I want a love that makes me st-st-st-stutter just thinking about how strong this love is type love and I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair. Well maybe not all of the hair, maybe like I’d cut the split ends and trim the mustache but it would still be a symbol of how strong my love is for her.

I kind of feel comfortable now so I even be fantasize about walking out on a green light just dying to get hit by a car just so I could lose my memory, get transported to some third world country just to get treated and somehow meet up again with you so I could fall in love with you in a different language and see if it still feels the same type love.

I want a love that’s as unexplainable as she is, but I’m married so she is gonna be the one I share this love with.

My Last Chance

xsimplicit33x — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 01:13:51 +0000

So beautiful, nothing could fade your beauty in my eyes. Was caught by surprise at the passion and the fire that you ignited in between my thighs. Loud cries of excitement, pleasure, and fear escaped my lips and landed softly on your ears. I was hooked, a fiend addicted to you. But neither one of us knew the trouble and pain we would put one another through. Jealousy, betrayal, hurt, confusion, it all happened so fast. But neither one of us could fully ever really escape our past. We tried and we tried, neither one of us ever even told a lie. But that didn’t stop the tears from forming in our eyes. We fixed what we thought was broken by breaking our relationship off and becoming friends on the outside. But even as friends our bodies answered one another’s cries. I told myself over and over again that it could never work, for wherever we went your ex girlfriend or even a standard groupie was sure to be lurking. My heart didn’t listen, my mind didn’t care, and my body damn sure wasnt about to let go of its only pleasure. You knew just how to touch me, kiss me, savour every inch of my body and made it yours. You wrote ya name on my walls and made sure i only fit you. Even if I wanted to fuck around I couldn’t because my body only loved you. tried to keep it pur physical and not let my heart interfere. You were scared of taking those steps again with anyone for fear of getting hurt was just not an option for you. I tried and I tried to show you that I would never be like those others, but instead of letting you breath i began to smother. Never thought I would have the strength to walk away. Just then orders came and said that I couldn’t stay. We counted the days until I would have to leave you. And that last day you signed to me “I love You’. I took those words and buried them deep where the memory of your touch, smell, kiss, laugh, and smile all lay buried. I thought if we both tried and stayed ourselves then hey we just might make it. I devised a plan to get back to you as soon as I could. but life a bitch and she wasnt playing by my rules. Something came over me…fear is what i take it as. It crept inside me for the first time and made me look like an ass. I tripped, i fell, i stumbled into that crazy bitch that you knew wasnt for you. I tried to regain my myself but it was too late you had already made up your mind and said “tee I’m through”. So now sit here alone with nothing but distant memories of how we use to be. Knowing that is me not life who pushed you away from me. Wanted nothing more than to give you a ring and make you my queen. But my own insecurities came by and stomped on that dream. I don’t dream of nights beside you anymore. For me that door has been shut and “do not enter” is all i see. but from behind that locked door i can still hear the moans from me as you lay me down, kiss my neck and tell me everything about me belongs to you. But the guard at the door pushes me back and says “hey she said she’s through”. So I’ll hang my head and slowly walk away, letting the regret slide down my face in the form of hot tears. Knowing that this was my greatest fear and I turned it into a reality. Just want you to be happy, whether it’s me or them. Damn I can’t believe that I’m here again. wanted to give you anything that your heart desired. But im weary and my heart is tired. I need you to rest my head on your chest and caress my face till i fall asleep. That’s how we’re supposed to be Myka and Tee. I don’t believe that we were put together not to be together is what Dondria would say, but I’m coming to you as women admitting my mistakes. Dont let this be the last chapter in our black erotica book. Lets get us back before it’s too late. Please Myka dont through my love for you away.

For You

xsimplicit33x — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 02:47:02 +0000

She didn’t hear me as I entered her world. Sleep had already been where I was headed. This was my 1st night with her.

She didn’t feel me as I slid into bed with her and straddled the object of my infatuation. This was my 1st night with her.

She smiled as I began to kiss her neck softly. “Is this a dream?” She whispered. This was my 1st night with her.

As my left hand intertwined with both her hands above her head, my right found its way under her wife beater and sports bra. This was my 1st night with her.

She let out a quiet moan as I caressed and kissed her perfectly erect nipples. I could feel my panties getting wetter. This was my 1st night with her.

She smiles as my hand snakes down her torso and into her boxer briefs. Mmmmmm I’ve reached my destination and I love the way her river flows. This is my 1st night with her.

Her eyes shoot open as I begin to explore the inside of her. Relax and give me what’s mine I say. Immediately I can feel her river flowing onto my finger. This is my first night with her.

As I quicken my pace she bites her lip to try to keep from letting me know that I’m ruling her pussy making her pussy mine! This is my 1st night with her.

I kiss her deep and hard until she let’s out a Arrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh. I smile because I know she’s close. This is my 1st night with her.

I move my hips to match the pace of my powerfingers. She arches her back and tries to buck me off her. It’s too late. I’ve conquered what’s mine. I whisper I’m not stopping till I feel u cum! This is my first night with her.

That’s all it took. I feel a flood of warmth engulf my hand as her body jerks and shakes under mine. Damn she yells as she collapses under me. This is my 1st night with her.

Ready for round two, I ask as I lick my fingers and taste my new favorite treat.

This is my 1st night with her, but this is her 1st night!

(dedicated to R.R. thank you for letting me pick your brain and for sharing your thoughts with me so that i could share it with the world)

xsimplicit33x 13 dec 09

Get to Know Tee

xsimplicit33x — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 01:51:26 +0000

letz s33…hom3 body s0metim3s, cuddling turns me 0n, laughter g3tz me high, kissing iz exctasy, music g0es with errything, b3ing 3ducat3d is a must;family c0m3s first;l0v3 is rar3; happin3ss c0m3s fr0m within; sn3akers ar3 mii still3tt0s; swagg iz n th3 3y3 0f th3 b3h0ld3r; fri3nds ar3 f3w & 3v3ntually turn n2 family; b3ing 100 % mak3s m3 cum; ch3ating is juv3nil3; lying can g3t u kill3d; Pray3r chang3s things; m0n3y can’t match l0v3; p0etry iz mii s3c0nd languag3; mii ph0n3 is wif3y; t3xting iz mii j0b; a f3mal3 wit a pr3tty smil3 is my w3akness;AE und3rw3ar r c0mf0rtabl3; and n3thing 3ls3…wait 4 th3 aut0bi0…0r hit m3 0n m3ss3ng3r or twitt3r.
PSA: I like ALL females {stud, soft stud, versatile, femme} doesnt matter! Long as u b U then no worries!

She’s AMAZIN

xsimplicit33x — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 05:45:54 +0000

This is for you, my AMAZIN KRUSH

Damn where do I begin? Wanting you as bad as I do…shyt I know it’s a sin. But if I could be yours if only for a day; then hell I’d gladly welcome the angels of death when they come to take my soul away. Met you by pure luck. Was instantly attracted to your words that seemed to flow between lips that begged for me to taste them. She probably has a girl or two I thought, so my time, hell naw I ain’t about to waste it! To my surprise I had misjudged you, and once we started talking…damn girl all I want to do is taste you. I don’t want to taste you down there; although I’m sure I’d be hooked. I want to taste ya thoughts, allow them to penetrate my soul. Man, the feeling that you have been giving me could never get old. When I’m with you I want to grab you and hold you against my chest so that you can hear the name that my heart beat calls out to. Damn girl please tell me, is anything I’m doing brand new? Not one to put too much out there for the world to see. Hey shawty I respect that. But babe could you open up, just a little bit for me? Swagger is her own and others try to compete. Shit fuck those other random bitches. My krush is the only stud that could ever complete me. You are making huge moves in the right direction. Attitude stays on that positive vibe. Baby I don’t need to smoke weed because the little things you do to show you care keep me on an outer space high. I want to be your Beyoncé and u be my Jay-Z. Forget an 03 Bonnie and Clyde. Krush in 2010 let me be the one to hold you down like no other. I lay there at night and dream of kisses that make my head spin and get the panties wet. You have morals and self-respect that seems to be lost among our youth. So I’d gladly become celibate to wait for that special night between me and you where you’ll reach my soul as I scratch my nails down your back. You will be leaving me soon, taking on new adventures and furthering your career. Even though I know you don’t want me to, I’m stay here and hold you down as if you were right down the street. Damn I can’t say it enough. My mothafucking krush is AMAZING!

xsimplicit33x 12-08-09

A Look Inside (for mii LGBTQ FAM)

xsimplicit33x — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 01:12:47 +0000

I see you staring and pointing. Questioning. Judging. Wondering if the person holding my hand is my boyfriend or my boifriend. She is neither. She is so much more. She is my wife, studsband, best friend, my rock, my soul mate, my world, my protector. But you’ll never see that. To you she is just a woman in men’s clothing. But take my hand and follow me as I give you a guided tour inside of our love. The love that you call a sin a obamination, the love that makes your hateful stomach turn. This is the same love that surrounds my whole existence
and protects me from your fists of hate. This is the same love that
nourishes my soul so that when you scream “dyke” at my lover I will not get angry or cower away; but instead I will smile and send up a small prayer asking GOD to forgive you for you not what you do.

Take my hand and allow me to draw you a map of how we did not choose this lifestyle anymore than you chose to be ignorant. The first stop will be at my wife’s childhood home where she was outcast and talked about for being too tomboyish by her mother. Let’s go to the closet where she would hide her basketball shorts and tank tops in a backpack that she carried everywhere because her parents refused to let their daughter be comfortable in her own skin, instead they forced her to wear dresses and put her hair in curls or burettes. Let’s sit on the bed where she sat up at night crying and holding herself asking GOD (yes your same GOD that you say does not accept “our kind”) to send her someone some day that would love her for who she truly was and would not judge her based on how she dressed but instead on the love
that she would give them. Next let’s stop by job where I have to watch men and women have the privilege of showing how committed they are to another through bands of gold and platinum jewelry, vows of eternal commitment, and a party to celebrate their privilege. While I sit quietly and pretend to want the same thing someday because the vows that I said to my wife to be hers until the end of time might as well
have been written in invisible ink because they are non-existent in my state. Taste the tears I cry when my wife gets sick and has to sit in a county zoo and wait until she passes out from the fever that is consuming her body because I cannot add her to my insurance because the day we became one entity is illegal.

Take my hand and allow me to feed you the poisonous negativity that is thrown at my family everyday by you and your society. Open your mouth and swallow the degrading profane comments that fall upon my children’s ears as we play at the park. Comments asking about the specifics of how my children came to be, comments asking can they watch me and my wife express our love for one another to fulfill a sick fantasy. Here open wide and swallow the stress that my wife faces at her job because she
has to work twice as hard as you just because she has three strikes
against her (she’s a female, she’s black and she’s a lesbian although she has a Master’s Degree and runs her own company, you thought it would be cute to make her your assistant. Here choke on the joy that you stole from her when she wanted to help coach our son’s football team bt the other father’s suggested that she help with the cheerleaders instead. Don’t get weary now.

Take my hand and allow me to lay you to rest and cover you with the positivity that we continue to pour back into the same society that has salvaged, battered, and slain some of us just for being us. Lay here and hear the rhythm of my heart as it thumps to the beat of the thousands of footsteps of my fam walking through the street to walk for cancer. Lay here and listen to
me hum the song that the lady at the shelter sang as we handed out food and clothes to those in need this winter. Close your eyes and allow the warmth of our lgbt community donating thousands of our personal kash-money to aid in the research for a cure for AIDS. Allow me to wipe away the regret that flows from your eyes for finally realizing that you could not survive against yourself if you were us.
Lay here and allow a smile to slowly slither its way to your lips when you realize that you are now back on the outside…taking a look inside of my world.

xsimplicit33x (11-24-09)

After the Hurricane (Look ‘Nside Me)

xsimplicit33x — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 00:57:32 +0000

Haven’t done this shit n awhile. But figured instead of pouring my feelings into water that drips from my soul through the corner of my eyes i’d put it on my own form of a pen and pad. Laying here can’t sleep for images of you running through my dreams. Don’t want to see your face anymore. Don’t want to be reminded of what I no longer see. Came into my world like a present dropped off from the man above specially wrapped for me. It was too perfect. Right when I was ready to throw in the towel and give up you came and put ya lips to my ear and said “I want you”. At the time even though I was flattered my past made me chuck up as game. But fate has a funny way of sneaking in and turning shit upside down. So I wanted to know who this beautiful fagboi with the mesmerizing swag was and I wanted to know what she was high on that night that she would want this beautiful disaster.
Took a few days to figure out the answers to the questions that
plagued my brain. From the first time I stepped into your world my head was swimming and my heart was jumping like a new puppy excited to see its new master. You were my new thrill and I was definitely addicted. Your words to me fed my soul, your kisses watered my secret cave, your touch electrified my skin, and your presence gave this disaster hope. Even though I wanted those feelings to last forever, the broken voice inside knew a storm was coming, but I prayed I had a stronger levy and seaboard than both Galveston and N.O. the hurricane showed up almost exactly 1 week after you changed me. It came fast, hard, and she was taking prisoners. She hit you first, hitting you right in your heart. The one place she knew couldn’t withstand the force of her. Then she came and knocked my ass right off my feet. Luckily for me I was ready and recovered and was ready to go full force against this storm in order to protect you. Little did I know that this storm had knocked you down before and those wounds were still fresh. I tried to surround you with my own shelter but I was too late, your old wounds were open and bleeding and she was already inside you infecting you. There was nothing for me to do except stay at ya bedside and hope you would heal like you were a superhero and then we could stand together and be prepared for the next storm because I’m a movement by myself but I’m force when we are together
(thanx Fabo). Instead your wounds healed but pieces of the storm still live in them and until you get them outta your system you said you couldn’t be with me. So here I stand-alone, bruised, drained, sore, fatigued, and angry. Never angry at you but angry at fate for coming in and turning my house up side down and bouncing like a bad house guest. I try and check on u as often you will allow, trying to see if images of me still live behind your beautiful eyes, trying to see if the mental videos of our nights together still play over and over in your heart, but mostly trying to make sure that this fucking storm has
not damaged my beautiful fagboi. Trying to make sure that this storm didn’t take everything that I had begun to cherish about you away.
Everybody always says if you love/care about someone let them go, and if they come back then that’s how you know that it’s meant to be. Well I got a question for all those fucking love experts…what the hell do you do if they don’t? It’s easy to pretend that you love someone, when you really don’t, but it is not easy to pretend that you don’t love someone when you do. This beautiful disaster misses a beautiful fagboi every fucking day.

xsimplicit33x ( 21 OCT 09)

Self Portrait

xsimplicit33x — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 00:34:36 +0000

HEART: torn and tattered

SOUL: deep inside it hides all my fears

EYES: hide the memories of the faces of my attackers

EARS: houses the lies that they told

NOSE: holds all their sweet scents so I never forget

MOUTH: forces back all the screams and sobs born from each swing of their fists

THROAT: imprints from where their hands attempted to take the life away from me are permanently tattooed eyes and see my pain

CHEST: the reason they could never look in my eyes and see my pain

ARMS: permanently curved from holding myself so tight at night.

HANDS: stained from cleaning up all the blood, sweat, and tears

STOMACH: garbage disposal for all the food I used as a medication to soothe the pain

PELVIS: the object og their obsession

LEGS: too weak to ever run away

FEET: swollen and tired from standing alone for so long

BACK: cooked and brittle from carrying the weight of others for so long

BRAIN: swollen and overworked from trying to regain control of the other parts that I have allowed others to abuse

Still think I’m beautiful?

xsimplicit33x (7 OCT 09)

Damn I’m in Love:But only for 1 night

xsimplicit33x — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 18:49:29 +0000

Damn I’m in love:but only for 1 night
Wow! I didn’t think this feeling would ever return to me. I’m in love:but only for 1 night. Couldn’t hide my instant attraction as you greeted me at the door. Damn I’m in love:but only for 1 night. Small talk turned into us alone inside a world that they could not touch. Damn I’m in love: but only for 1 night. Laughing and joking, my lips grazed your neck, you shuddered, I inhaled your scent. Damn I’m in love: but only for 1 night. Cooked me a meal that warmed my soul. I have never had this before. Damn I’m in love: but only for 1 night. After dinner we talked so long they came looking for us. Conversation left me wanting more. Damn I’m in love: but only for 1 night. Late night text messages about what a great time you had me with sent chills all over my body. An urge was building that I couldn’t suppress. Damn I’m in love: but only for 1 night. We said our goodnights and see you soon but in my eyes soon was too far away. Damn I’m in love: but only for 1 night. Was too afraid to close my eyes because no dream would ever compare to seeing your beautiful eyes and lips in reality. Damn I’m in love: but only for 1 night. Excitement coursed thru my veins as a new message from popped up on my screen. Your words fed my desires through the phone. You wanted me right then and I needed you. Damn I’m in love: but only for 1 night. Nervousness, pride, morals, tried to keep you from answering the silent cries my body sent to you, but they grew too loud for you to ignore. You said I’m on my way, and that’s when the frenzy began. Damn I’m in love: but only for 1 night. Greeted you at the door. Not nervous or scared, your presence soothed my spirit. Damn I’m in love: but only for 1 night. We layed and talked. Then your lips met mine and the heat rose from deep within and I felt yours rise from your spot. Damn I’m in love:but only for 1 night. You were shy as I began to undress you, but as I tongue kiss your lips, that shyness melted and flowed out into my tongue. Damn I’m in love: but only for 1 night. The taste of you was like a foreign delicacy. I wanted to stay in this land and this fruit all day and night, but the fruits juices flowed before I could set up my new home. Damn I’m in love: but only for 1 night. You layed me down and stared into my eyes as an extension of you entered my heart. Ugshhhhh. I gasped, go slow I want to feel every second. Damn I’m in love: but only for 1 night. We floated high above the bed on our cloud of ecstasy. You knew my body and worshiped every inch. Damn I’m in love: but only for 1 night. Didn’t want to come down but sleep is a necessity. Damn I’m in love: but only for 1 night. Held you close never wanting to let go. Our hearts begin 2 mimic each other as we slept. I closed my eyes and exhaled. Damn I’m in love: but only for 1 night. That was our one and only time. Damn I’m in love: but it was only supposed to be for 1 night.
(The word love here is used purely used to add effect to the words. I was not in love. But I was infatuated)

xsimplicit33x 10-25-09

Death… By the P-U-S-S-Y

xsimplicit33x — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 18:41:29 +0000

Death…by the P-U-S-S-Y
Feel like writing…got a lot of emotions and feelings trying to scratch
through my skin to inhale the scent that you left on me last night. I keep placing band-aids over the wounds, but their claws are sharp and full of memories that are poisoning my system just like your kisses. I can’t hold them back much longer. They grow stronger every time I close swallow because your juices are still on my tongue, and it’s their Miracle Grow. They’ve started to feed on the central part of my mind..that’s where the vivid movie that we made together is buried and it holds the key to their escape. I can’t let them out. Can’t let them expose that deep sweet spot in the center of my strawberry that you already left your teeth marks in. I can’t let them escape. I can’t allow them to expose my heart and show the bruises behind it from it beating so fast and hard every time you grabbed my head and arched your back so that my paintbrush could scribble my name deep inside ya walls. I have to hold them in, I have to fight it. I can’t let them expose my eyes. Can’t let them lay my retinas out so that the world can see the frames of our private movie showing every minute of the pleasure on your face or the satisfaction engraved on mine as you released your arsenic laced nectar to coat my throat. No fuck that! I won’t let them break through. I will never let them expose the reason for my liberation and the source that causes the thumping and throbbing of my clit. I’ll die by my own hands before I allow them to expose all that shit.

xsimplicit33x (13 SEP 09)